5th - 14th Nov 09 Tushita - 10 Day Intro to Buddhism Meditation Silent retreat!

I have returned from a 10 day Slient retreat up in Dharmkot, up from Mccload Gange. I know many people would think that I could not possibly stay quite for 10 days but i did just about manage it! Well I managed 8 days anyway, then the yoga teachers in the group broke & had a mini chat about yoga, hehe we couldnt resist! I am really glad i did the retreat which was a very last minute decsion, as it was the last 10 day course of the year as its getting too cold. After we checked in we were shown to our dorms which were a bit like dungeons, then we were given some food & everyone got their last chats in before the silence began at 7.30pm. After looking forward to doing such a retreat things didnt begin exactly as I would have liked! Within the first 30mins of the first teaching & meditation I started to feel a little uncomfortable, then I suddenly couldnt sit any longer & jumped up from the floor, ran out of the Gompa (Tibetan name for temple) & just managed to make it down the steps before projectile vomitting everywhere! My silence was broken already as a nurse on the course came to make sure i was ok! She said afterwords that it was a spectacular site! I then had to quickly run to the loo, oh no my turn had come already for the dreaded delhi belly! On the upside I was then put into a single room for the night!

My tummy pretty much stayed the same for 10 days, each time I thought it was better I starting eating properly again & it was always a mistake! However I wasnt alone, just about everyone (40+ people on the course) got sick & got a cold. The teaching & meditation sessions were like a symthony of sniffs & sneezes & people running for the loo. Despite the silence everyone was really sympathetic & you knew we were all suffering together!

Our schedule was pretty busy with the first meditation starting at 6.45 & so i got up at 5.30am to do my yoga practice, then we would have a serious of teachings & meditations up until 9pm. Here & there we would have 30 min, 60min breaks & we all had Karma yoga jobs. I was super greatful for my job which was to clean the yoga room, the 2nd best job, the 1st was been the yoga teacher. However I was lucky that I got a turn at teaching everybody when Natasha (yoga teacher) got sick. It was good experience for all us yogi's teaching 20,30 people. I also ended up teaching silent yoga to a few keen people at 5.30am! That was a learning experience! My fellow yoga teachers were all great & it was so nice to get new ideas & share experiences (obviously since the retreat has finished!). I did feel for the people who had to clean the toilets, I am sure I will get that job if I do another retreat like this.

Learning about Tibetan Buddhism was v.interesting but by day 5 I feel i was starting to get a little distracted, I know this as there are doodles & badly drawn scary Buddhas in my note book! However this may have been the combo of getting sick, silence & consistant meditation practices. Some of the meditations were really intense, for me one we did on 'forgiveness' really opened something up & left me at the end of the session in tears & feeling like it wasnt finished! These things take years & years of practising & letting go apparently. Also another one that stands out was on 'anger', I am not an angry person but during this med I felt really uncomfortable due to my stomach gargling away & bloated & found it super hard to concentrate. At one point i felt like screaming & running out of the Gompa saying "Anger, Anger, i wasnt angry before but i am now". Luckily I restrained myself & managed to sit through the rest of the med even though my head felt like it might explode. Its amazing how some of the Meditations my knees, legs, tummy were fine & others were just killers, even sitting for a few minutes was tough & your mind would be racing! I have to say that as the week went on sitting did get easier, not that that made the meditations any easier. We did do a few chants which i loved.
Vajrasattva
Om mani Padme Hum
May all beings be free have happiness.....
Although I learned so much about Tibetan Buddhism & agree with lots of elements of it, I still found it hard to get my head around re-incarnation & Karma. From a Buddhist perspective the fact that I had about 5 bikes stolen in 4 years was due to my bad Karma in a previous life, i must have been a thief! Anyway elements to do with Attachment, Impermanence , attachment & emptiness were v.interesting & I will be definately be doing more reading but not turning Buddhist any time soon!

Once my sis asked me how I could have a Buddha in my front room when it had religeous conatations & i wasnt a Buddhist. My answer at the time was Buddhism is a philosophy, a way of life, now I would say the same but it can also be said to have certain religious practices, rituals, praying etc. However the Buddha itsself embodies"Peace, Happiness, compassion, free from suffering" & everyone has Buddhanature at their core they just dont access this".

Anyway the silence at times I found more funny than anything, particularly when we were doing walking meditation! You basically walk up & down a small distance v.slowly & with hands behind your back or in front. I found it v.entertaining as everyone looked like zombies so i had a little laugh to myself! I know the silence did me good & I only had a few times that I really felt that I would like to talk, maybe because we had 1 hour a day in discussion groups so it took the pressure off a little. One thing I forgot to mention was how cold it got, the weather really is getting to winter now in Dharmasala & we felt it living inside for most of the day in our blankets & sleeping in our dungeons!

One of the days we got to walk upto a Stupa sites, it was a walking mediation up there for 20mins, this was v. nice scenery but did feel kind of strange going out of our4oo m radious where we had been living for 8days!

Once we were allowed to speak again at 9am on day 10, it was v. funny as everyone introduced themselves properly yet we all seemed to know each other in a v.diff way! Then once we escaped the grounds & went out for dinner we all had a lovely postiive energy & we did find ourselves probably ranting a little but being more mindful of it, even if we couldnt stop ourselves! I hung out with my new yogi friends for a couple of days afterwards to share thoughts, experiences which i really enjoyed. I am going to travel & hang out with Natasha & Lori & Jay going to & in Goa!